actually, I'm a sock model
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
