when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
