I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
