Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
