did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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