dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
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You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
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We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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