I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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