At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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