You really coming over, don't trick.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I won't apologize to a one balled man
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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