Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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