conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
