I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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