I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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