Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
