I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
