Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
