No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
