Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
