we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
