Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
