my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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