Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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