I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
