another moral hangover. fuck.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
