i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
