If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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