She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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