We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
