I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
