my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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