I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
either way he was missing a nipple.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
