I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
