I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
