So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
