Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
50% drunk capacity currently
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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