There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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