my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
