Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
