Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
