i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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