im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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