I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
