I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
