At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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