Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
