My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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