I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
