whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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