Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Randomize
