Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
