i jhust puked up my retainher.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
