I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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