they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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