Tell her she can't have a vagina
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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