ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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