I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
