You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
