Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
