Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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