The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize