I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Houston, we have a squirter
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
