Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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