Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
