Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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