shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
