My room smells like vodka and shame
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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