Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
