You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
