So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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