do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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