K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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