mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
whose ass print is on the piano?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
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