if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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